“How do you feel when you think back to that argument,” my therapist asked me. “Um… bad,” I replied, unable to fully describe this horrible sensation in my chest. She then pulls up a colorful circle filled with names of feelings, and asks me to select how I feel. I feel like I am back in kindergarden. I also feel sad, ashamed, remorseful, isolated, empty. After labeling those feelings, a weight lifted off my chest.

Intrigued about this magical “Feelings Wheel,” I end up screenshoting a Feelings Wheel from the internet onto my iphone’s notes section. The following week, whenever I felt “bad,” I would sit with that feeling instead of distracting myself with a mindless activity. Then, I would pull out the Feelings Wheel and select emotions that resonated. After just a week of using the Feelings Wheel, I was more attuned to my emotions and had a greater sense of ease. I realized that this simple tool was incredibly powerful. 

For those of you who are reading and still wondering, what exactly is a Feelings Wheel? Let me explain. Below is a Feelings Wheel. At the center, there are categories of emotions – anger, disgust, sad, happy, surprise, fear. Within these core categories are subcategories, and then sub-subcategories. You begin with selecting your general emotions, and then select increasingly more specific emotions.

Now, you may be wondering, why does the Feelings Wheel work? My hunch is that the core reason lies in its role in naming emotions and providing specificity to emotions. As a result of naming our emotions as specifically as we can, we understand our emotions better.

Emotions are amorphous within our body. Labeling these emotions with specific names is utilizing language in the context of emotions. One purpose of language in human society is to form and consolidate ideas into consciousness (Ogli 2020 et al). I would argue that this is true of consolidating emotions into consciousness as well. For instance, we understand “table” for what it is, in part because we have language to describe this four-cornered, four-legged thing. Similarly, by creating more specific language to this “bad” feeling in our gut, such as identifying it as sad and isolated, we have greater emotional clarity in a given situation or interpersonal relationship.

The result of this emotional clarity is improving our emotional intelligence. The definition of emotional intelligence, per Oxford, is “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” So, we see that the clarity from a Feelings Wheel is targetting the first part of emotional intelligence: awareness of one’s emotions. Daniel Goleman in his widely popular book, “Emotional Intelligence” speaks more in-depth on emotional intelligence, its various components, and actually attributes EQ to 80% of our success in life (with the other 20% being IQ) since this includes factors such as self-motivation, persistence, impulse control, humor, empathy, hope. 

In conclusion, the use of a Feelings Wheel can improve our understanding and awareness of our emotions, improve our emotional intelligence, and find greater success in our interpersonal and professional lives. 

If you are interested in trying out the Feelings Wheel, here is what I recommend: 

1. Find a Feelings Wheel. The wheels can differ a little in their organization, so you might find one that you like more than others. There are also options to buy a physical copy of a wheel. 
2. Make your Feelings Wheel easily accessible. Perhaps, like me, you add a copy of your wheel to the notes section of your phone. Or to the photos section. Or, you might want a physical copy close by at your work-space. Find what works best for you.
3. Reference the Feelings Wheel whenever you feel an emotion come up. See how specific you can get. You might notice that you are feeling various emotions, some of which seem contradictory. That is normal. Cheers to being a complex human being. 
4. With practice over time, this kind of emotional identification will become second-nature. Congratulations, you are now fluent in emotional identification and awareness. 

Perhaps as a result of this practice, you will notice you are not getting as stuck in an uncomfortable emotion. Or you feel more empowered to set boundaries because you finally realize how an interpersonal situation is making you feel. Or you are more at peace, no longer afraid of your emotions nor ruled by them. Or life becomes richer and more colorful as you allow the full spectrum of your human emotions to come into your consciousness. 

Maybe, life will just feel better.

~ Tianyi